My Blog

Ever though of having a normal life and would like to always remain in our comfort zones, but the problem is that just isn’t possible. There are always things happening in our lifes. The wheels of life roll and when they do, sometimes we are up and sometimes we are down. It’s been a long two months for me, everything seems to be happening around and unexpectaly. I really learned a lot this months and it actually open my eyes and able to see clearly how fake can people be, and sometimes how a life can turn in just a short while.

in just a few months, i lost some of my friends and at the same time i gain a few really close friends who i will really appreciate them in my life. People getting married, people seperated, people finding someone dear to them, people dissapointed and people being happy. It just makes me realise that time really flies by and life will not stop for you. It will just go by without you knowing what had happend and what had you done to contribute to this life. i learned something really meaningful from a few friends recently. The problem with me is that i am always not satisfied with what i have and tends to always complain and compare to others. always not happy with myself and tends to lost my sense of confidence. Thanks to them, they really thought me something about life. Always open up your eyes and open up yourself to see the colours of life. This world is full of wonderful things and life can be as colourful as you want it to be. But you have to make it happen and not letting every minute pass by withouth any meaning.

Was at home the whole day today. No one was around, was just lying on the bed and clearing my head of thoughts and to think positive things. Was trying to surround myself in positivity and focus on whats going on in my head. Just at time’s it gets hard to think of ways to remove the unwanted thoughts and negativity.Thinking that the quitness and the openess of the room would help and allow myself to defuse. It works to a point but not all the thoughts are removed there just not as loud or strong as before anymore. There are too many things in my mind and just like my friends had told me. It shows from my face that i have too many thoughts and i am just getting myself worrying lots of things.

The strongest thought that has a hard time dissipating is the thought of being alone and single. Unfortunately when you go out to any places, you will always see the places not only are there full with couples, walking hand in hand or kissing, babies and weddings. To walk this life path alone and being alone is not easy. Always wanted to find ways in getting those thoughts of being alone away, but it just simple can’t go away so easily. To me,happiness is harder to gain when it involves someone who doesn’t yet know you exist.

Seeing the people planning to get married, looking at people getting someone who treasures them and loves them. It just makes me wonder when is God sending my angle to my life. Have tried a lot of ways to get my mind away from this. No doubt that i have a few really close friends who really cares and also my family, but looking at the love birds just makes you wonder when is your turn, or will there be an angel for me at all. Looking back at the past, all the relationships had make it really difficult for me, cause like what XXX had told me, i tend to always put criteria towards everyone that i meet. I know that it’s so unfair but then, because of all those sad memories, it tend to make me to be a stronger person and also a person who are over careful with everyone that i meet. it sound so selfish but is that a good way in helping me to protect myself getting hurt again? How many times do i have to get hurt until the right angel appears in front of me. This is something that i have to learn. To really open up myself and learn to accept everythings that comes to me. To those who have found their angle of their life. Congratulations and remember one thing, nice people dont come everyday, appreciate what you have and never let it go. I am still seeking for my angle and hope that one day it will happen and my friends are able to share the happiness with me.

Friends, that is the most important issue in my life now. I always believe in making everyone around me happy no matter how far it will take me. I treasured everyone around me, but things had happen that i started to question myself," is it worth it?" why can’t everyone be as sincere and accept everything that someone had done for you? Is friendship something that can be used? it’s really a great dissapointment to me when i found out that the person that i really care and helped for the past few months actually betray me. What did i do to deserve all these? Is God trying to teach me a lesson? What will you do when someone cares and were there for you when you are in the difficult time. What will you do when that particular person gave you all the comfort, friendship and thrust to you? How could someone just turn their back and saying bad things like you are using them after what i have done for them? I really don’t understand how evil some people can be. it really hurts my heart, because after everything that i had done, it was not being appreciated but i was being hurt deeply. It really shows to me how people can change easily and do something else to ruin people’s life and also happiness.

Friends are really hard to get nowadays, especially dear friends. But anyways, i am thankful that even though i lost one, i gain back a few. I really wanted to thank God for that. Heh friends, if you know who you are. I just wanted to say thank you for being there for me for this two monts, making me happy and giving the hope back to my life. I really appreciate that.